"The wish to have the pompous, silkhatted gentleman slip on a banana peel is almost universal." (Grady and Hall)
Readers feel the same way about correspondents who (by letter, e-mail, or tweet) write pretentiously.
Pick your favorite pretentious expression below, and check out the alternative... or invent a better one!
Instead of Try
"We have the matter "I am considering..."
"You are advised that..." "Here's your information."
"I have read your letter of..." Skip it.